Middle East Downstairs, Cambridge, MA.
March 17th, 2012
The electric light show is blasting laser light beams all around the room. The dance floor is jam packed with canoodling onlookers. The locals are all painted shades of green. Pat Nelson is singing about nicotine…or is it a hippopotamus, maybe it was both I guess? Most of it’s a blurry mess of space cream and cigarettes. Its like a joyride in your Dad’s mint condition 1974 Dodge Challenger. Pure adrenaline.
The sound of the bass thumping could alone frighten off even the most savage of animals and tame the wicked beast. In fact at one point the Blorg itself made an appearance and was stricken temporarily deaf and beaten abundantly by the mindless rabble of Fiddleheads. Waves of terrifying sound continued to pour from the stage for what could have been hours or even days…but was probably just about ninety minutes.
Beads of sweat pour off the entertainers as their fingers seem to have minds of their own. Thunder and lightning come crackling out of their amplifiers with every powerful lick. The drums crash like hippos stampeding across the stage. Funk in its purest form can be seen oozing from their ears at this point. Every last inhibition has been cut loose and the only thing left is to just go with it, you’re in over your head.
The tribe of painted worshipers pack closer and closer to the stage as Fiddlehead begins to channel the most ancient of funk. Endless chants of “Fiddlehead!” can be heard even from the back of the crowd. The lights flicker in and out, brighter, dimmer, spinning around and around. Complete chaos ensues on the dance floor, a literal pandemonium of air humping and skirt dipping.
Standing near the front of the stage, feeling the air being displaced by the subwoofers and getting the occasional odd brush from behind is an experience like no other. If your head isn’t instantly turned to jelly by the vibrations, you will experience the feeling of flying, followed by temporary paralysis and a small chance of coma. Children under eight years of age should only attempt this under parent’s supervision. Consult a doctor before ingesting Fiddlehead.
Its just then you realize you locked your dad’s keys in the car and now you won’t get away with taking it. Also, Wanda, the hot blonde you were making out with in the bathroom has the handsomest knuckle hair you’ve ever seen and the crazy funk band you thought you were watching is actually a polka tribute to David Bowie. Welcome to the land of chemicals and leisure suits.
